Life as it start again... it's a choice

sure...sure... sure...life is something to live with... choices must be made, and this is the one that i choose... instead of just hang around, enjoy days, in my parents' big house... spend money that my mom left me, i choose to work in Serang, little town, near Anyer, about 2,5 hours from my house... excited, yes, terrified, yes, sentimental, yes... this house, jagakarsa, will always be a house that I long for, place to comeback... I started to live 'outside' the house since the beginning of my college years. Trisakti in Grogol, medical classes with nuts hours... made me have 'another' place to stay... koskosan... at that time, i had my father, papa, helped me with all the moving, our driver pak padio and papa's big car KIA carnival. I remember that day when my father did all the knocking stuff in the wall, helped me with the bed, and he was sad when he told me, 'honey, so sorry you have to live in this small room for study' hahahahaha... it's ok, I have survived those years, my dad picked me with his car every saturday, and I spent my weekends in Jagakarsa. Then, I became a doctor, GP. Then, once again came the times when I had to live 'outside' Jagakarsa, in Medan, where I spent almost 5 years in my aunty house to study pediatrics. My mom took me to Medan. Mama accompanying me in my first months there. Papa came to Medan, periodically, to make sure everything OK, made me comfortable with everything. I felt those times when ones was very excited of parents visit, and took them everywhere and asked them anything... that time, mama and papa always said: ' honey, get ur things done, come home whenever u like, finish ur study, and come back to Jagakarsa'... almost happened... 1 month before I finished my study, my dad passed away, sure... I was there, he got all the treatment he could have, but Allah said something else, and it's OK, I got all of his love and all of my dad's blessings... then I finished my pediatrics study and become pediatrician... and I came home to Jagakarsa. July was the month I was officially became Jagakarsa's permanent residence once again. Spent nights in my mom's room, planning for my wedding, and have lots of plans for future, with mama as my priority... almost happened... but once again Allah said something else... Mama passed away, after fighting for ITP and infection and maybe longing for papa, 1 Syawal, first day of Lebaran, she just passed away, 1 week before my marriage... sure, she had all the treatment that she could have... I was there, and maybe that was the best that Allah gave her... I cried alot, longing for my mom and dad at nights, but, live my life just like usual... then I have my wedding reception and realized how much my mom and dad love me with all those preparation they already arranged from January. And I had my honeymoon to Phuket and Singapore, happy to have a nice husband... I choosed to be happy, to lived my life thankfull to Allah, keep telling myself that behind those tragedy, another big plan and good plan waiting for me. Sure... I stay in Jagakarsa, do anything I like, use mom's driver Pak Abas, have 3 helper in the kitchen and hang out everyday... but those were not feel right... I can not live like this. Then I search for a job, that can make me busy, kind of things that I like. That's why I accepted the offer to Serang. Start a new beginning, stay in koskosan once again, and live my life... busy life... only this time... no mama and papa, no one telling me to get the things done and back to Jagakarsa. My husband, Ari, still studying in Medan, only said, 'this is a phase of ur life, our life, just be strong'. Sure...  I still drive my own car, called her miss C for civic hehe, great koskosan 1 milion rps a month, and great job waiting for me, my families ask me: 'why bother to have a job in far place from Jagakarsa? while you already had a good life there?' I just nod and say.. 'I don't know... life as it start again for me, and it's a choice and I choose to start by being somewhere, some place that I think can make me stronger and grow up more...' it's MY choice...wish me luck